An open and shut case

We need to open a bank account here. I have been looking at various banks. Firstly, there is Nedbank. Wonder if there is a free baseball cap for every account opened? Do the tellers were shell suits and call everyone “Aye, Man”? Then there is F N B. Reminds me of the Matt McGinn comic song,
He kept bees in the old town of Effen,
An Effen beekeeper was he,
And one day this Effen beekeeper,
Was stung by a big Effen bee.
I hope that is not the motto of this bank. We’ve decided to play safe and go with the boringly monikered Standard Bank. We also need a TV license, but the place to get it is the Post Office. There isn’t one near here, so we have to go after work when Les is here with the car. To get the license, we need his passport, which has been with the customs people as our freight has arrived in the country. Actually, it arrived the sane day we did but couldn’t be released without a passport, which we obviously needed to gain entry. Catch 22 or what? Anyway, he got the passport back, so we went to get the TV license. The Post Office is open until 5.30. Les came home from work early and we got there at 5.01. The office was “open” as in the doors weren’t locked. Guess what? Closed at 4.45 that one day for stock check. Hope the detector vans don’t come this way for a while!
Today we are having a security gate fitted to the garden. The doorbell will be outside of this and it is connected to a wee TV screen so I can see who is there before I go out to open the gate. The garden is surrounded by a 6 foot high brick wall. The complex has an electric gate manned by guards 24/7 with a big wall and electric fencing all round. At night, extra guards go round the estate in a van. Yet I am repeatedly told this is a safe area and I notice everyone goes out leaving windows open. The windows all have bars on them but they just look like part of the glazing. Apparently they are designed so that a human head will not fit through. Head, eh? What about the rest of the body? Will I come through one morning to find body parts all over the place but no head?